Daisy Chainsaws

The dating circuit’s a funny place. Full of anxiety, bravado, hope, despair, ill-feigned indifference and unconvincing nonchalance.  Getting older doesn’t help nor does leaving it for a while then returning once a relationship fails.

Aside: Is there a nicer word for what we have with the ones we love other than ‘relationship’? It just seems so………..dry and impersonal a word for something’s that’s so intimate and sticky and messy and warm and painful. Relationship: That’s a word that’s usually followed by ‘Manager’ or ‘Officer’ as printed on business cards or engraved on plaques in office doors at my local bank, PR, Marketing, Audit, Insurance firm whatever……..Maybe  it’s because most of us have found relationships to be that last thing – Painful; that we have chosen to distance ourselves and seek sensory deprivation by hiding behind innocuous words to describe what we feel most.

Anyway in the dating circuit,  a somewhat interesting sequence of events usually takes place. I like someone who doesn’t like me back in that way but instead likes someone who in turn likes someone else ad nauseum. So in the end we are all probably chasing people who are running not from us, but after someone else.

Nice place to play musical chairs.

Every once in a while one gets tired of running and allows themselves to get caught and looks on wistfully as the object of one’s affections gets ever further away. The cries of delight from whoever has managed to catch you go unheard. Sometimes the one you want gets tired of running and we convince ourselves that  ‘they have seen the light’ as it were deaf to the disquieting voice that whispers that you are only second-best.

Sometimes an old flame returns too late to light your fire.

Then again, sometimes maybe two people who genuinely like each other, switch off their search radar and at point-blank range, fire cupid’s arrow at each other.

Audiophile: Django Reinhart – Peche a la Mouche (Bruxelles to Paris:1947-1953)
Off my shelf: DK2 Vol.2 – Frank Miller, Lynn Varley
Midday Matinee: Fight Club (1999)
Starring: Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, Helena Bonham Carter & Meatloaf
Directed by: David Fincher

Obalma?

Somewhere in the world, there is a belief that you stumble every time someone mentions your name. If that is indeed true, then one Barack Obama’s toes must be very sore.

Everybody’s talking about him.

He’s young
He’s handsome
He’s articulate

He’s black.

Some have gone as far as calling him the messiah and others have gone as far as predicting that he will die in office a la Kennedy. Both make for a compelling argument. He may be a messiah of sorts; the American political system is in dire need of a saviour.

America gave us the ideals of freedom and modern democracy on one hand but it also gave us slavery, insupportable amidst grinding poverty, an arms race, racial segregation, denial of civil rights, support to dictatorial regimes, 2 unconscionable wars and a return to civil rights violations. It promised the world a dream but has delivered a nightmare instead.

After decades of decaying ideals juxtaposed against ugly realities, the American political system has reached the point where it has to make itself relevant once more to its citizens and a world disillusioned by its failures. The collective American conscience has been constantly and mercilessly pricked by the victims of its excesses. America’s moral authority has crumbled and facing a constant barrage of criticism both at home and abroad. The Bush administration(s) are I hope, the lowest point America will ever reach.

The world is tired of America. America is tired of America.

It is a heavy cross Mr. Obama carries; he is expected to make a clean sweep of of the mess George Bush leaves behind.

George W. Bush has taken the American political system to a point where it desperately needs to tear itself away from the disrepute, infamy and ridicule that he imbued upon it. He got to the oval office under a cloud, in circumstances more akin to the fledgling democracies of the 3rd world than the home of the statue of liberty. Whilst he has been minding the shop, the planet has become a more polarized, perilous, pricey and polluted place to live in. I know we cannot lay all the blame at poor old George’s feet but he hasn’t shown much by way of leadership in sorting out the ills that ail us. Rather, he has shown himself to be a somewhat myopic leader with a marked preference for sticking his head in the sand.

Barack Obama is just what we are yearning for. Actually virtually anyone short of Dick Cheney (and maybe John McCain) will do after the George Bush experience but is Barack what we really need?

I have my doubts.

I’m just not too sure if this isn’t some carefully choreographed plan by the American political system to reinvent itself in the wake of Mr. Bush’s folly. Is Mr. Obama is just a bit actor in an elaborate production? Looking back at the election campaign, I just can’t seem to shake the feeling we’re being set up for a long ride.

Let us look at the players; in the red corner, the Republicans led by a colourless John McCain. He’s the archetypal candidate for presidency; Caucasian, Male, Wealthy and Old. He comes from the same people that  that brought you George Bush, evangelical conservatism (See: John Hagee, Pat Robertson), WMD’s (where are those darn things?), Enron & Halliburton, exotic holidays at Abu Grayeb & Guantanamo Bay, waterboarding, “Say NO to Kyoto” and lots of other goodies that are as welcome as crabs in your crotch.

In the blue corner, the Democrats who had us spoilt for choice. They not only gave us a young, half-black, not-so-wealthy male candidate but they also gave us a credible female candidate. In the world of political correctness, race and gender equity, it was a win-win situation for them. The fight for the nomination was  as brutal as it was fascinating and in spite of the fears of analysts that the party would be riven in two, it served to only boost the democratic credentials of the party and begin restoring faith in the system.

So now, we have a poster-boy for freedom and the American way in Barack Obama against the big bad wolf in senator McCain. As Hollywood endings go, this one’s pretty easy to figure out.

I would urge the Prophets of doom to take a second look in their crystal balls. Obama is strategically, the best thing to happen to America right now. He’s the guy who will wash away the Bush and the all the other old-rich-white-guy stains and for that reason alone the establishment will protect him from harm. He’s here to soothe the American conscience, to regain the moral high ground. “Look at us,” Americans will say, “We’re very democratic, we voted a black man into the white house”. After which I suppose 4 years is all they will be able to stomach and they will return to their old ways. However, should Obama not play ball and shake things up a little more than he is expected to, then it may very well be open season once more.

Audiophile: Fall Out Boy – Dance, Dance
Off my shelf: DK2 Vol.1 – Frank Miller, Lynn Varley
Midday Matinee: Malena (2000)
Starring: Monica Belluci, Guissepe Sulfaro, Luciano Ferderico and Matilde Piana
Directed by: Guissepe Tornatore

BBC Fool

I er, stumbled across the food channel sometime ago and got hooked on the culinary porn they have there. Now, I suppose James Martin, Giorgio Locatelli, Bill Granger, Gino D’Campo and Jamie Oliver are all very good looking without their clothes on but I’m more partial to the likes of Kylie Kwong, Sophie Michell, Rachael Allen, Sophie Wright and Nigella Lawson whom I bet look much better sans undergarments. A sight to make your eyes really water (and not from chopping onions either) would be Keith Floyd, Ainsley Harriot, Rick Stein or those Hairy Bikers in similar circumstances.

This is the food channel, not the fashion channel. Here it’s what you put together, not how you’re put together that counts. So I tune in to watch these chefs make whipping up soufflés, roasts, salads and the occasional cocktail look so easy. The ingredients always look exotic even if I have them in the refrigerator, the recipes always sound mouth-watering even if it’s just a ploughman’s lunch that is on the menu and their kitchens always have appliances and utensils that are either more rustic or more cutting edge (that includes knives) than mine.

Ah so, after an hour of furious drooling and limited scribbling, I set off to my kitchen to attempt to recreate what I have witnessed on television. Rummaging around the larder and turning out the cupboards reveals that half the ‘exotic’ spices are missing and so is the sirloin steak. So, I start up the car for a quick dash to the shops and come back laden with jars and cold things wrapped in newspaper and other things that claim to be organic just because someone forgot to give them a quick squirt with a hose to wash off the soil that still clings to the roots.

Back into the kitchen, curse not having an island (hadn’t factored in camera angles when it was being built), whine about inadequate pots & pans, get depressed over not enough water pressure from the faucet in the kitchen sink, sceptically wonder if my stove will get the job done and proceed to slice my finger instead of a carrot on the cutting board. “@#&!*%$^” I say, slap on an elastoplast and try again.

An hour  and 45 minutes later, what started off as a salad somehow turned into a vegetable stew, the steak is extremely well-done on the outside whilst remaining very rare on the inside, my soufflé is crater shaped instead of dome shaped and has an incinerated  surface that looks like a nuclear explosion took place there and  the chocolate-mousse-and-something-or-other cake is just fine. Only that it is salty, smells slightly of moose and has to be cut with a powersaw.  Ah well, I give myself a pat on the back for a job well done and wince every time my injured finger presses the buttons on the phone as I dial my local Chinese restaurant to deliver my won-ton soup, sweet & sour pork and egg noodles.

Audiophile: Fela Kuti – Konfussion
Off my shelf: Batman; Year one – Frank Miller, Lynn Varley
Midday Matinee: Casino Royale (2006)
Starring: Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Mads Mikkelsen and Judy Dench
Directed by: Martin Campbell

The Doctor is in

Fantastic race weekend.

MotoGP was a hoot.

Valentino Rossi has been in good form but not perfectly so. He is currently at the top of the rider’s standings in MotoGP with 142 points after consecutive wins in Shanghai Le Mans, Mugello and coming in 2nd today at Catalunya. Dani Perdrosa won that one by a mile but the real story was the tussle between Rossi and Stoner for 2nd place. The riders went at it tooth & nail around turn 1 and the chicane switching positions over four times in the course of the race.

For Pedrosa, it was his second win this season after grabbing pole on Portugal’s podium (Estoril) earlier this year.  Today’s performance was emphatic, Pedrosa had built a massive 6 second lead on  Rossi and Stoner but throttled down when he knew he had it in the bag to win by 2 seconds over Rossi.

Today’s win puts him only 7 points behind Rossi as we go to  Donington Park in the British isles on 22nd June.

It wasn’t all bikes and boys though,as these things go there was plenty of eye candy to keep things on an even keel. Enjoy.

F1

Thing’s were a little more dramatic on the formula 1 circuit in Canada. Lewis Hamilton knocked both  himself and Kimi Raikonnen out of the race when he ran into the rear of Raikonnen’s Ferrari which had stopped for a red light at the pit-lane exit.

Nico Rosberg also damaged his front wing when he cosequently ran into Hamilton’s car. The two drivers are faced with a 10 place grid penalty in the next round.

It was a disappointing race for Hamilton in Montreal where he had his maiden win last year and it left many of the fans who had turned out to see him crushed. However, the casualty count at the circuit stood at  35% with 7 out of the 20 drivers registering DNF.

Both Renaults both did not finish with Alonso spinning out of the race and Nelson Piquet retiring with brake failure. Force India’s Adrian Sutil retired in the 12th lap with a broken gearbox as did his teamate Giancarlo Fisichella who spun out of the race, Kazuki Nakajima nudged his Williams into the rear of Jenson Button’s Honda and with a dislodged front wing sticking under his car, crashed into the pit-lane wall.

Hamilton and Raikonnen were the other two drivers who failed to finish. Hamilton had managed to open up a 6 second lead in the early stages of the race but lost it all when the safety car wa deployed following Sutil’s retirement in lap 17. It was after the drivers’ pitted in lap 19 that the crash between Hamilton and Raikonnen occurred.

Robert Kubica led Nick Heidfeld for a BMW one-two and his maiden win to put him at the top of the driver standings, 4 points clear of Hamilton. Ferrari’s Felipe Massa drove faboulously despite a poor start as he overtook both Rubens Barrichello and Hekki Kovalinen at the hairpin turn in what was a fantastic maneouvre  by the Brazilian. He came in 5th to put him at an even 38 points with Hamilton.

See you in magny-Cours, France on the 22nd of June.

Audiophile: The Killers – Read my mind
Off my shelf: Batman; Year one – Frank Miller, Lynn varley
Midday Matinee: The Hill  (1965)
Starring: Sean Connery, Michael Redgrave, Ian Hendry and Harry Andrews
Directed by: Sidney Lumet

Something’s gotta give

PETROLEUM ($/bbl)

PRICE* CHANGE % CHANGE TIME Nymex Crude Future 122.25 -.05 -.04 08:22 Dated Brent Spot 120.96 -.96 -.79 08:53 WTI Cushing Spot 122.30 -2.01 -1.62 06/04

PETROLEUM (¢/gal)

PRICE* CHANGE % CHANGE TIME Nymex Heating Oil Future 355.35 .77 .22 08:22 Nymex RBOB Gasoline Future 319.80 .29 .09 08:22

Oil is trading at $122 a barrel today. It just makes saying the phrase “fill ‘er up” that much harder. These days, my system of pulling up to the pump for a full tank that’ll run me for a week has been shot to shreds. I have been gritting my teeth through the ordeal but as the zeroes at the pump close in on the zeroes on my paycheck, I find myself drained (no pun intended) every time I’m leaving the fuel station.

What’s bringing me close to tears is just that when we’ve almost perfected the internal combustion engine with Electronic Fuel Injection, Active Valve Control Systems, Double Over Head Camshafts, yadayadayada and just when the cars have gotten to be sleek spears shaped in wind tunnels with airbags and cubbyholes just about anywhere you look and they  emit among other things, an exhaust note to die for………..there’s nothing for these works of engineering genius to run on

“TOYOTA PRIUS!!!!” I hear you scream. Er….well, it’s got two things going against it. One, it’s a Toyota and two, it’s a prius. Looks like it was designed on an etch-a-sketch, does 0-60 in the same time it takes paint to dry (on a wet afternoon) and worst, it can’t seem to make up its mind what it is; do I run on gas, do I run on static? is the eternal debate. A bragaddocio Jekyll meeting a benign Hyde.

Enter the Tesla roadster.

0-60 in less than 4 seconds (3.9 to be exact)
220 miles per full charge
No stops at fuel pumps……….ever

Shame they don’t have a saloon version (yet)
Shame it takes 3.5 hours to get fully charged (something about paint drying?)
Shame it goes for about $ 100 000 (for now)

And if I hear one word from some ultra-environmentalist about the carbon load/footprint/whatever that generating enough electricity to run this car makes, I will give them a  load of lead/foot-in-butt/whatever will make them shut up…..for now.

Audiophile: Franz Ferdinand – Michael
Off my shelf: Energy prices report: www.bloomberg.com/energy
Midday Matinee: The Merchant of Venice (2004)
Starring: Al Pacino, Jeremy Irons, Joseph Fiennes and Lynn Collins
Directed by: Michael Radford

Bleeding hearts; sutures or sticky plaster?

When a girl gets her heart broken, she gets a circle of friends, a tub of Häagen-Dazs and a box of Kleenex. When a boy gets his heart broken, he gets a fifth of scotch, an impatient bartender and a splitting headache the next day to go with the heartache.

Go figure.

Audiophile: Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Cheated Hearts
Off my shelf: mulling over it
Midday Matinee: The Departed (2006)
Starring: Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson, Martin Sheen and Mark Wahlberg
Directed by: Martin Scorsese

Dust devils

Went rally-chasing over the weekend.
Had lots of fun.
Got really dusty.
Took some great photos.
Here they are.

The end.

Too close to the sun

I think I flunked a job interview today. I walked in there cocky and half-cocked at the same time. I swear i have the mind of a contortionist it’s a shame only my body lets me down. Anyway, I was dressed up to the nines, looking spiffy in a sharp suit and a bold tie. I had my technical presenation down so cold you could see my breath when I presented it. The penny dropped when I met my interviwer. He was slouchy and overweight and he kept looking for his non-existent chin with the tip of his pen. Something about that just put me off. I tried making small talk about motorsport and the rally I was at over the weekend but drew a blank.

By now I was really off-balance and then came the revenge of the nerd. He asked me where I’d want to be in  years nad I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the thought of a deserted beach with a scotch in one hand and Hemingway in the other would be my ideal choice. So I hemmed and hawed instead. He went for my jugular like a daylight Dracula.

As I left, I mentally drop-kicked myself for being so unprepared and deluding myself into thinking I could wing it. Turns out I’ll have to learn to fly first.

Audiophile: PJ Harvey – Down by the water
Off my shelf: Batman; The Dark Knight Returns – Frank Miller, Lynn Varley
Midday Matinee: Shichinin no samurai (The Seven Samurai)  (1954)
Starring: Toshiro Mifune
Directed by: Akira Kurosawa

I’ll have my Kate……….and Edith too.

I have always been fascinated by the seven deadly sins. Somebody must’ve thought long and hard about those; I mean, there’s one relevant to every little indiscretion and major cock-up imaginable. The things are like a straitjacket, you cannot get away from them.

Lust is my favourite in the traditional sense, one does have a whale of a time racking up a rap sheet on this sin but I suppose lust as a sin transcends desire of the flesh. The Aston Martin DB9, an Omega wristwatch, Kahlua, deep fried prawns, the Macbook pro and lots of other things could get you in trouble just as quick.  Lust is the DNA for all sin.

Greed on the other hand, is the most complex of the deadly sins. I suppose it is pardonable to lust after beautiful things. The creators of them would be very upset if we didn’t. If a man doesn’t get whiplash from turning to stare at a gorgeous woman then he should probably be  struck by lightning. Painters should burn their masterpieces, photographers smash your cameras, Steve Jobs takes a vacation and Celine Dion would quit singing (hmm…that might actually be not so bad). Greed is lust on steroids. Wanting more than one needs is where the line gets razor-thin. In a black & white world knowing one’s wants from one’s needs opens a technicolour world of grey. The debate on individual appetites alone is interminable and the one on separating needs from wants is as diverse as there are people in this world.

I suppose then that the quest for the perfect partner would fall rather neatly into the debate. Is finding your soul mate a want or  a need? My soul mate has to be many things. If I got started on a list here, greed alone would make it very long for I’d want her to be good at everything but we know that’s not possible. So, how about spreading the composite of a soul mate among several different candidates? Brainy-girl and Booty-girl won’t have to come in the same package. Someone else can cook and another do the laundry. There can be the girl with whom one goes to museums with and another for picnics, another who’s a great listener and  one more whose yummy voice you could listen to all day (maybe). One  whose problems you’ll always want to solve and one to whom you’ll run to when in deep shit.

Herein lies the rub; What’s sauce for the Goose…… ahem excuse me, Gander in this case, is certainly sauce for the Goose. I suppose a lady’s list on the qualities of Mr. Right would have as many items as the number on her bra size and I couldn’t possibly blame her; men need a lot of work before they are even palatable let alone gourmet fare. Trouble is, I don’t think I could handle the competition. Ideally I’d want to be the  ‘O’ guy when she goes, “Oh God!” but what if I turn out to be  a ‘men-are-pigs-I-need-to-knee-one-in-the-balls’ guy for most women? Perhaps only the spectre of assault charges is all that’s restraining them at the moment. Life would indeed be nasty, brutish and short.

Decisions, decisions.

Audiophile: The Who – Baba O’Riley
Off my shelf: The Kouga Ninja Scrolls – Futaro Yamada
Midday Matinee: Cicade de Deus (City of God)  (2002)
Starring: Alexandre Rodrigues, Leandro Firmino, Phellipe Hargensen
Directed by: Fernando Mierelles, Katia Lund

Stubs of Heaven

‘Casablanca‘ was running on TCM the other night and like a moth drawn to the flame, I stayed up to watch it – again. I know if there has been a film that has been worn thin by too many screenings, references, allusions to, special edition packages, parodies, reviews, commentary, analysis, short-listing and so on, ‘Casablanca’ would be it. I have watched it over 12 times; in b/w  & technicolour, in a cinema, on cable & regular television, on DVD and also noisily projected on a white sheet tacked to a barn door.  Suffice to say I know virtually every line in the script by heart. I have read up on it, had posters of it, listened to the soundtrack and generally done those things that creepy people obsessed by film generally do (except hop on a motorcycle and with a camera strapped round one’s neck, ride down film stars like a post-modern John Wayne lassoing a wayward steer).

The point in my weakness to ‘Casablanca‘ is that I simply love old films in general and Humphrey Bogart’s in particular. The cliché “they don’t make ‘em like they used to” couldn’t be more true. Classic film, unhampered by colour, special effects and juvenile actors bred on reality TV shows relied mainly on strong story lines and fantastic dialogue to carry them along.

Well, ‘Casablanca‘ inspired me to dig out the other ‘Bogie’ films I had around and mine them for memorable moments. From bit parts in ‘Angels with dirty faces’ [1938] starring another screen great, James Cagney to the cynical Sam Spade in ‘The Maltese Falcon’ [1941] and other memorable roles in ‘The Petrified Forest ‘[1936], ‘They drive by night’ [1940] ‘San Quentin’ [1937] ‘Black Legion’ [1937] ‘The African Queen’ [1951] ‘Key Largo’ [1948] ‘The Treasure of the Sierra Madre’ (1948) ‘The Barefoot Contessa’ [1954] Ernest Hemingway ‘To have and to have not’ [1944] ‘High Sierra’ [1941] ‘Dark Victory [1939] ‘The roaring Twenties’ [1939] and ‘The Oklahoma Kid’ [1939].

You could say I binged on Bogart.

The films also have loads of unforgettable supporting actors & actresses. Lauren Bacall’s sultry screen siren leaves the competition smouldering only equalled by a Peter Lorre so slimy it’s a wonder how he managed to hold any lines. Sydney Greenstreet’s carefree confidence in his size and ability to dispense casual violence like cheap confectionery is masterful only due to Bogart’s ability to take it. A motley crew of alcoholics and idealists serve to play off each other in not always believable but highly entertaining plot lines that have always had me paying more attention to what they are saying as opposed to they are doing.

All this without (I stand to be corrected) a single swear-word.

Sample some of the lines that have always made me smile

‘Casablanca’ [1942]

Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart): “I don’t object to a parasite, only to a cut-rate one” – to Ugarte (Peter Lorre)

Major Strasser: You give him (Rick Blaine) credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he’s just another blundering American.
Captain Renault: We mustn’t underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they blundered into Berlin in 1918.

Capt. Renault: What on Earth brought you to Casablanca?
Rick Blaine: My health, I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Capt. Renault: The waters? What waters? We’re in the desert!
Rick Blaine: I was misinformed.

Senor Ferrari: (To Rick Blaine) Might as well be frank, Monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca, and the Germans have outlawed miracles.

‘To Have and to Have Not’ [1944]

Capt. Renard: “What is you nationality?
Harry Morgan: I’m a drunkard

Slim (Lauren Bacall): I’d walk home if it wasn’t for all that water- to Harry ‘Steve’ Morgan (Humphrey Bogart) when he asks why she hasn’t gone back to America

(Slim kisses Steve)
Steve: What did you do that for?
Slim: I’ve been wondering if I’d like it.
Steve: What’s the decision?
Slim: I don’t know yet.
(She kisses him again, this time he kisses her back)
Slim: It’s even better when you help.

Slim: You know how to whistle don’t you Steve? You just put your lips together and blow

Slim: I’ve been mad ever since I met you
Steve: Most people are

Amazing.

Audiophile: The Clash – Rock the casbah
Off my shelf: The ultimate racing car book – David Burgess-Wise
Midday Matinee: The Appointment [1969]
Starring: Omar Sharif, Anouk Aimee
Directed by: Sidney Lumet