I’ll chop your balls off and feed ‘em to you

It’s hard being a man today. (no snickering)

and just what maketh a man? I certainly hope it’s more than just bulging pecs and hairy testicles. I have the latter if not the former. An aversion to both steroids and weight training has seen to that. I have always equated being a man with taking responsibility. Those guys you see who making a bollocks of things then calmly turn round to face a firing squad whilst suavely drawing on a cigarette could very well be really all that’s left of the real men (yes, Saddam too).

Now in all probability, chaps facing the business end of a rifle will probably be peeing in their pants but in history, they tend to play out as heroes.

Now, here’s a list I found on Wikipedia of the general qualities that are to be expected of a man;

1. Physical — virile, athletic, strong, brave. Unconcerned about appearance and ageing;

2. Functional — breadwinner, provider for family as much as mate

3. Sexual — sexually aggressive, experienced. Single status acceptable; (does not mind walking around naked, especially around other guys)

4. Emotional — unemotional, stoic, for example, the proverb “boys don’t cry”;

5. Intellectual — logical, intellectual, rational, objective, practical,

6. Interpersonal — leader, dominating; disciplinarian; independent, free, individualistic; demanding;

7. Other Personal Characteristics — success-oriented, ambitious, aggressive, proud, egotistical; moral, trustworthy; decisive, competitive, uninhibited, adventurous.

Tall order, that.

What makes it even more vertigo-inducing is that boys are not raised by both parents anymore, usually the mom is the primary (and sometimes only) caregiver or an equivalent substitute is adopted i.e. a nanny, au pair, governess, babysitter, aunt, sister, grandmother………..you get the idea. Men, where they haven’t bailed on their kids have been completely cut off from their sons and boys from their fathers.

Women make for great Moms but they are really lousy as Dads.

What we get is a generation of pansies; small boys trapped in grown men’s bodies for whom shirking responsibility is as easy as breathing. The reason these guys are so bipolar is probably because they have the equipment all right but they aren’t quite sure who they are and what it’s for. So they walk around going through the more obvious motions of being a man; shooting guns, watching sports, drinking beer, making money, working out, fucking and wearing Calvin Klein underwear.

Unfortunately these things are all done out of context; they shoot at unarmed civilians or overwhelmed enemies, sports are watched in a garage or a bar (hardly ever in one’s own domain), Beer is drunk on the sly or in excess, money is wasted on unnecessary luxuries to show up the Joneses rather that the basic necessities, exercise regimens are to raise the opinions of others not for health and they pay for intercourse in one way or another. Oh and by the way, the underwear’s optional. These are knights whose horses are in a petting zoo, whose armour is at the cleaners and whose lances are locked up in a safety cupboard. And yet the women still expect these poor sods to slay their dragons?

Come on.

That’s how Misandry (hatred of men/boys) has become fashionable and acceptable primarily in such matriarch-dominated societies as the United States. Small wonder then that it’s OK to wear t-shirts that say ‘boys are stupid, throw rocks at them’ in the same place where a message hating on women swiftly gets you convicted. With costs.

Lads, what we are is men.

We don’t initiate lawsuits, we shoot or punch whoever crosses us.
We don’t whine about abuse of rights, we go out and fix whatever’s wrong
Most of all, we do not wait for things to happen. We make things happen.

Audiophile: Django Reinhardt – Del Salle – Take 1 (Bruxelles to Paris:1947-1953)
Off my shelf: DK2 Vol.2 – Frank Miller, Lynn Varley
Midday Matinee: The Asphalt Jungle (1950)
Starring: Sterling Hayden, Louis Calhern, Jean Hagen, James Whitmore, Sam Jaffe and a young Marilyn Monroe
Directed by: John Huston

Daisy Chainsaws

The dating circuit’s a funny place. Full of anxiety, bravado, hope, despair, ill-feigned indifference and unconvincing nonchalance.  Getting older doesn’t help nor does leaving it for a while then returning once a relationship fails.

Aside: Is there a nicer word for what we have with the ones we love other than ‘relationship’? It just seems so………..dry and impersonal a word for something’s that’s so intimate and sticky and messy and warm and painful. Relationship: That’s a word that’s usually followed by ‘Manager’ or ‘Officer’ as printed on business cards or engraved on plaques in office doors at my local bank, PR, Marketing, Audit, Insurance firm whatever……..Maybe  it’s because most of us have found relationships to be that last thing – Painful; that we have chosen to distance ourselves and seek sensory deprivation by hiding behind innocuous words to describe what we feel most.

Anyway in the dating circuit,  a somewhat interesting sequence of events usually takes place. I like someone who doesn’t like me back in that way but instead likes someone who in turn likes someone else ad nauseum. So in the end we are all probably chasing people who are running not from us, but after someone else.

Nice place to play musical chairs.

Every once in a while one gets tired of running and allows themselves to get caught and looks on wistfully as the object of one’s affections gets ever further away. The cries of delight from whoever has managed to catch you go unheard. Sometimes the one you want gets tired of running and we convince ourselves that  ‘they have seen the light’ as it were deaf to the disquieting voice that whispers that you are only second-best.

Sometimes an old flame returns too late to light your fire.

Then again, sometimes maybe two people who genuinely like each other, switch off their search radar and at point-blank range, fire cupid’s arrow at each other.

Audiophile: Django Reinhart – Peche a la Mouche (Bruxelles to Paris:1947-1953)
Off my shelf: DK2 Vol.2 – Frank Miller, Lynn Varley
Midday Matinee: Fight Club (1999)
Starring: Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, Helena Bonham Carter & Meatloaf
Directed by: David Fincher