It is with a heavy heart that I have decided to say a symbolic goodbye to Penelope. I’m going to admit something that not many men have the courage to; yesterday I drove like a complete knob.
I’ve always loved going fast, whether it was getting whirled around by my dad at 3 or watching the trees flit by along the runway as an aircraft takes off. I grin like an idiot every time I experience even the illusion of speed but lately I fear I’m getting addicted to speed, which is not in itself a bad thing if it weren’t for the fact I’ve been indulging my cravings in the absolutely wrong place: The open road. Risking life and limb not only my own (which probably nobody cares about) but everybody else’s out there is not just irresponsible on my part but certifiably insane.
I am really sorry.
Maybe it’s not really the speed I like but the adrenalin rush that comes from tearing around the highway, zipping in and out of traffic, downshifting then flooring it out of a corner or from behind a slow moving vehicle all the time only peripherally aware of pedestrians, cyclists and the occasional donkey cart that may be using the road at the same time. I looked up my behaviour on the internet and this is what I found.
Earlier I’d said Penelope is capable of blasting her way from 0-60 in a little more than 5 seconds but I have since come to the realisation she could deliver me to the afterlife just as fast. So, I’m going get a more sedate car for everyday use and probably restrict penny to where she belongs: On a racetrack where I get to wear a helmet and 4-point safety harness, plenty of ambulances and fire engines on standby and a bunch of drivers probably dumber than me.
Avg. Speed this morning: 50 mph
No hooting, no insane overtaking, indicators used as necessary and yes, both hands on the steering wheel when not changing gear. I hope Jeremy Clarkson will be proud of me.
In my ear: Jamairoquai – Virtual Insanity (ironic, isn’t it?)
Off my shelf: V.S Naipaul – The Mystic Masseur
Midday Matinée – The Big Heist (2001)
Starring: Donald Sutherland
Directed by: Robert Markowitz
